We are praying diligently for everyone affected by the devastating circumstances surrounding the floods in Texas. We know from experience, the trauma and sorrow will touch a WIDE circle, from parents and siblings who are completely lost, to extended families, search and rescue teams, First Responders, and beyond.
With hearts to help comfort and support those who are numb and possibly unable to function, we are sharing some of the comfort we received from the Lord when we lost our son. We are also offering ways to walk alongside those who are affected, with compassion and sensitivity. Please keep reading.
Jesus showed us how to respond to tough stuff. He ran into the middle of people’s pain. He never rejected anyone experiencing tough times—no matter how they responded. In fact, He went after those who were bruised and broken.
Just think about the awkwardness of the woman who was caught in adultery. Jesus forgave her, released her and brought value to her life. In another story, the whole room was shocked when a prostitute wept at Jesus’ feet and washed them with her costly perfume, but He SAW her and He said her sins—which were many—were forgiven.
Most people don’t really know how to deal with awkward, painful situations. When someone is going through a devastating loss, whether it is a natural disaster, tragic accident, a divorce, or the suicide of a Christian family member, these things are tough. Don’t feel guilty if you aren’t sure what to say or do, just know the first and best thing you can do is LOVE.
You don’t need to do everything right—you don’t even necessarily need to say anything. If you show up in love, with a heart to simply be present and support your friend or family, they will feel it! When you arrive at their door with an empathetic heart, you will be a Good First Responder who brings hope and comfort.
We are clearly told in the Bible, RIGHT AFTER being told to rejoice with those who rejoice (that’s the easy part!), to “weep with those who weep” (that’s not as easy!). There are not a lot of people, even Christians, who know how to do this. WE especially didn’t know how before we lost our beautiful Beau, so we are not judging!
Everyone needs to understand how to comfort the broken hearted. Listen to what Paul said when he was in jail in Philippi. The place was like hell on earth with raw sewage running across the floors, and locked in with the lowest of the low. Paul was thrown in there, but this is where he wrote the book of Philippians! In chapter 4:14 he said, “You’ve so graciously provided for my essential needs during this season of difficulty.”
People that are going through hard times need “the basics” in terms of support—they need love in action.
What do you suppose are the “essential needs” for someone suffering or newly bereft? In our experience, above all, it’s having those who are closest to us show up and BE PRESENT.
Another time, Paul writes about one of their journeys in 2 Corinthians 7, “When we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn. Conflicts on the outside, fears within… But God Who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus.”
Wow! TITUS SHOWED UP and God was right in the middle of the tough stuff! Paul goes on to say, “…And not only by his coming, but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me so that my joy was greater than ever.”
There’s so much packed into this scripture, but I love that he was comforted in a dire situation by a dear one visiting him where he was. In these situations, the Lord is gracious to show us how to be Good First Responders, if we open our hearts.
What are some practical first responses to consider when we hear of a loss? Not every situation is the same, but these are generalities you can consider.
When first learning of a loss or tragedy:
- If you heard from a mutual friend, and depending on the situation, pray about whether you should call them, or start with a text. They may not be in a place or even be able to speak with anyone yet. OR, you may be JUST the person they would want to talk to. So be led by the Lord.
- Text them with a very heart-felt sentiment. Here’s a simple example, depending upon your level of relationship: “Oh my gosh! You guys! We heard about your daughter and our hearts are so broken for you! We just can’t believe it, and we are holding you SO close in prayer and love!” Then release them from any pressure to answer you—they will read it whenever they’re able to. They will have A TON on their plates, from planning a funeral and all the arrangements, talking with doctors and/or law enforcement, and contacting family members.
- If you call and they do not answer, leave a sincere message (like above), and at the end add, “Call when and if you want to. No pressure.” Simply pouring on the love and support through your call or text will mean SO MUCH.
- If they are local, consider going to their house, or if they are not local but the relationship is close, travel there. Simply being present is a huge gesture of love and support. You may feel you have nothing to say that will help and you are also in pain over this yourself. It brings a level of comfort knowing others are hurting WITH them.
- If you are separated by distance and can’t travel, consider sending some food to their home. Usually, the family’s home is flooded with extra family and friends coming to be together. A delivery of easy-to-serve meals or sandwiches and snacks can be a God-send to them at a time like this.
- Follow their lead—when attending the memorial/celebration service for one who has passed, don’t come in ready to “fix” the family. If they are rejoicing for a loved one who is no longer suffering but is rejoicing in Heaven, then go there with them. REJOICE with those who rejoice, and WEEP with those who weep…
Please always keep in mind, there is Holy Spirit-led timing in every one of these situations, and we must be sensitive to that, especially depending on how close your relationship is with them.
We have many more suggestions like this in our book, When Loss Comes Close to Home, which we encourage you to read so you can equip yourself to be a Good First Responder. There are so many ways you can support and help people who are suffering from loss.
One story we heard describes a little boy who is in his bed at night during a thunderstorm. He calls out to his mom several times for comfort, but she insists he is fine because Jesus is with him. Finally, he comes into her room, standing by her bed and says, “…but Mommy, I need Jesus with skin on.”
It’s such a precious story, and in reality, this is what we needed the night our son passed away. Over and over again, “Jesus with skin on” showed up at our house in the form of so many beautiful people who wanted to support us. This is what a Good First Responder can do––we can be Jesus with skin on, not trying to fix them, not trying to cheer them up, but to weep with them, to hold them, to serve them, and to love them.
As Jesus shared in a parable, “…when you did it to one of the least of these My brothers and sisters, you were doing it to Me.”
We encourage you to just do it––be Jesus with skin on, and you will be the Good First Responder your loved ones so very desperately need.
Helping Heal Broken Hearts,
Join us in acknowledging July as Bereaved Parents Awareness Month.
Grieving parents have a devastating journey ahead—be patient and show love at every opportunity.
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Resources for Understanding Grief
To understand grief more fully—and be able to help others survive grief and loss—order our book: When Loss Comes Close to Home: Finding Hope to Carry On When Death Turns Your World Upside Down.
Whether you’re grieving or walking beside someone who is, our brand new USB, “The God Of All Comfort” offers real hope, real help, and heartfelt wisdom.
Join us for a time of comfort and encouragement on the Finding Hope Podcast with Charlie & Jill LeBlanc, Getting Through What You Never Asked For.
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