Recently we received a call from a close friend needing advice.
Just the day before, she and her husband received word that a close friend lost their 26 year-old daughter suddenly from a blood clot. Understandably, the parents were completely shocked and overtaken with grief.
Our friends were at a loss for what to do or say, so they called us with questions, “Should we call? Should we text? Should we jump on a plane and go there? When should we send them your book?”
We talked for a good 20 minutes and shared everything we felt the Lord place on our hearts at the time. After I (Jill) got off the call, I thought, you know, we all need to learn how to be Good First Responders. We need to be assured that our first responses will be helpful and not hurtful in these raw situations!
We often get these questions from people, “What do I do? I’m at a loss on what to say? How do I help someone when they’re in this horrible situation?”
When we were recently in the UK, a number of people, many with tears streaming down their cheeks, came to us saying, “THANK YOU so much for writing this book! I got it last year and it was so helpful when I lost my older brother…my spouse…my child” or “when my friend lost a parent”…”No one is talking about these things, and I can’t tell you what a help it was to me and our family…” This is exactly why we wrote When Loss Comes Close to Home.
Helping to educate others about what it’s like to go through a grieving process is crucial. We must learn how to ever-so-gently assure those struggling that God will carry them through this time, and learn how we can better help our friends and family who are suffering––these are invaluable tools.
The subject of loss, grief and death is prolific. Everywhere you turn there’s another news headline of someone being killed in a weather-related incident, murdered, dying in a car crash, dying of cancer, heart disease, or WHATEVER. It just shows us how much pain there is in this world. Every. Single. Day.
There is a tendency to focus solely on the negative, which is not healthy when there is a mountain of joy to see every day. Someone’s getting married or having a baby, winning the lottery, landing a great job, becoming born again, or healed of an illness!! It’s easy and right, and even fun to rejoice when great things are happening!
Unfortunately, the reality is, pain and sorrow are ALSO part of life, and how we respond makes a difference in how it affects our lives and the lives of those around us. To be frank, every moment of every day, someone’s dying. This world is full of tragedy beyond words.
After losing our son Beau 16 years ago and receiving God’s continual comfort, we have been compelled to comfort others with the same comfort we have received from the Lord (2 Corinthians 1:4), and to help others become Good First Responders.
Sadly, we have found this subject is not talked about enough, especially in the church and amongst our friends. On the rare occasions it IS mentioned, it’s quickly passed over and minimized. Even as believers, we are uncomfortable addressing death and loss in practical terms. The most common and frequently-damaging “first response” (which we heard OFTEN) is, “Well, praise the Lord. He’s in Heaven and we’re Christians, and we don’t grieve like unbelievers. Let’s praise the Lord and move on.”
Even in churches, people are hiding their grief and pain. They don’t feel free to honestly express their heart, for fear of being considered weak or carnal. We know people who were very involved in their church, but after experiencing a tragic loss, they eventually quit attending because there was no on-going support for them. It’s so sad.
Many of us don’t understand that grieving people are self centered, but not SELFISH. Their world has just stopped and crumbled around them. Therefore, First Responses need to be full of gentleness, patience, and “a whole lotta love” throughout their journey of recovery—especially early on.
Many times grief from a loss doesn’t just “go away” after a few months, yet we are expected to “be fine” and to “move on,” as if everything should snap back to normal on a set timeline.
Maybe you have not personally experienced loss, but you’re interested to know how to help. We want to help you and others know how to be a Good First Responder – one who will be the serving arms and the comforting voice of Jesus to those who are broken from loss.
In general, people don’t really know what to say to someone who experiences a tragic loss. People are afraid of saying something wrong. And quite often they do, only because they’ve never learned how a Good First Responder can bring comfort and hope.
Thank you for being open to learning, unlike those “friends” of Job! Actually, they had it right in the beginning—by sitting silently with him—but as time went on, they began to judge and point out all the reasons tragedy struck his life. Once Job had heard enough, he said, “Miserable comforters are you all!” But that will not be the case with you, as you open up and LEARN HOW to be the Lord’s ambassador—His hands, His arms and His kind and gentle ways.
We needed kind, gentle first responders who would be present, who would weep with us and would allow us to heal in God’s timing.
So let us help you! We have resources available to guide you in becoming a Good First Responder for your loved ones. Check out the links below.
Helping Heal Broken Hearts,
*Author unknown, however the quote was attributed to Theodore Roosevelt for making it famous.
Charlie & Jill are approaching their 45-year anniversary in ministry. We would love to hear how the ministry and their music has impacted your life. Click the link for a quick, easy space to share.
Resources for Understanding Grief
To understand grief more fully—and be able to help others survive grief and loss—order our book: When Loss Comes Close to Home: Finding Hope to Carry On When Death Turns Your World Upside Down.
Whether you’re grieving or walking beside someone who is, our brand new USB, “The God Of All Comfort” offers real hope, real help, and heartfelt wisdom.
Join us for a time of comfort and encouragement on the Finding Hope Podcast with Charlie & Jill LeBlanc, Getting Through What You Never Asked For.
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